A tale of seasons
by Flo Ynes
Summary: Bella is an ordinary girl aspiring to be a genius. Edward breezes into her life for 12 days and turns her world upside down. They belong to two different countries. Bella falls hopelessly in love with Edward but Edward doesn't know it. They talk through SMS as well as messages through Facebook. But the problem with Bella is that she can't stop her heart to love other men.
1. Chapter 1

Bella's haven

I have started to write because there is so much that is wrong with me and I hope to figure it out by the end of this lifetime. Why is it that all the men that surround me this affect that I just want somebody, anybody with me to please me, love me and understand me? From the beginning of my life, it is love that I have craved and yet when it came to my door and even banged, I couldn't say yes because something felt wrong. A man opens his heart to me and yet I could not be enough. He is the only person who knows me and my quirks and never judges me while understanding me side by side. He was the one that I had absolutely coveted in my childhood and when adulthood arose he became the one that had to pursue me. I treated him negatively yet he continued not to take offence. He is short and dark with rough features which give him a rugged look. His eyes are boring and plain and their sparkle of adventure is dim which once upon a time used to rule them. I haven't seen him in the past few months.

That was one of the many men I have spent time with and fawned over.

The man I am currently indulging in is a fair fellow with a bright mind who continues to elude me. He has never even looked in my direction as our social status does not match. He represents all that I am not and can never be. While, I have not lost myself into him, my interest has also been immersed in the other options that are present before me. All of them have their own unique aura and fascinate me in different ways. Whenever I am in a pensive mood, I tend to reflect upon myself and always the same question arises inside my brain-"Is this forcing my heart to learn everything about a person, who would never want anything to do with me normal?" Or am I going into the dark recesses of hell where all deeds are going to be rewarded by the devil waiting for me?

That was one of my obsessions. The other and the more destructive one is my over-extensive love for romantic stories. So much so, that I have broken my dream in pursuit of pleasuring myself with this luxury. How am I supposed to give up? It has now become the life of my meaningless soul keeping it alive when my heart has closed its doors to any and every one. Is it immoral to lie because nobody understands or tries to understand?

I know it is. But the knots in my stomach indicate that this turmoil will never be easily resolved. And I feel as if I am doomed. I have so many different identities that even I am unaware of what some of them are. I belong nowhere. Wherever I go, disappointment and destruction chase my path and track me until they have fed completely on my happiness and all I can feel is anguish and despair.

My dreams are inconsistent. They are tired because I am exhausted. They are misguided as I do not have the strength to correct them. Since when did I become so weak that all I see around myself is failure. All I can perceive to be is a normal person which is the farthest thing that I ever desired.

It is not only insecurity that is the aberration in my life but I have lost hope. My spirit feels as if it has been defeated. Life has never been easy but the years have taken their toll on my brain.

I had thought that leaving and starting anew would give me a sense of satisfaction, of achievement and of belongingness that I sought but the atmosphere is cloudier than it was before.

I hope that this entry is the starting of something new that fulfills me in a way that I can renew my broken faith and endure because life is too short and all the questions will be answered only by time.

So, I will struggle to get what I want even though I have no idea what I am searching for.


	2. My Favorite Book-Reading and Knowing Ed

My Favorite Book-Reading Edward, Knowing Him

The first time I saw him, he was a part of the crowd with a blond girl with him. He wasn't anybody special. A tall man with reddish-brown hair as I could make out in the dark with a fair face who looks like everybody else is nothing I have never encountered. But despite that, I did not know if we would ever meet again and a heavy feeling crept in my chest. It only took us five minutes when I saw him later and came to know that we were going to work in the same place.

The blond girl accompanying him was just a friend who had worked with him for over a year. They were close as friends are expected to be but nowhere closer or so I thought.

We were introduced. His name was Edward and I was Bella. Looking closely, his eyes had a glow in them as if we were meant to meet. But what I didn't know was that the twelve days in his vicinity would leave me wanting for more which he was not ready to give me. I sometimes wonder if fate had any plan for me since I couldn't seem to manage to keep a single person interested in me. Added to this was that the lonely, shy me who refused to talk to anybody.

Anyways, speaking more about Edward, the twelve days I knew him were an entire lifetime for me. He was a piano player which drew me into him. Since time immemorial, I had lusted over the instrument and finally, I meet a piano player who happened to also be an acquaintance. I was a babbling mess in that instant and I realized that no matter what I would eventually fall for this man who resembled perfection in my eyes. He loved all the same things that I did. He knew more about the things that fascinate me than I ever could learn. He knew how to operate a telescope and I was putty in his hands. He loved his family and talked so highly of them and appreciated them. It was a wonder that such a guy existed.

Over the days, I kept learning more about him and falling for him until one day I realized that I was completely and irrevocably in love with him.

After the realization, everything became better and worse. Better because whenever we talked or he paid attention to me, my heart soared and worse because there were other women in his life, women who I couldn't compete with. There were beautiful women who were smarter, more experienced and bolder than me. And the worst thing was that I was an Indian, dark in color and lived 20000 miles away from him. Most people wondered why I was named Bella if I was Indian but the answer that I provided them with was that my father was Italian while my mother was Indian.

But the reality was that I had changed my name to reduce one difference between myself and the others. My original name was Yashasvi.

_=====FLASHBACK=====_

"_Yo, yo Yas" shouted a random guy in my class. "You do not belong here with us. You are not one of us. You should be thrown out of this country as well as this world." Everybody started laughing._

_I was mortified and heartbroken when they shouted that. Over the year, I had made no friends and even the teachers treated me as a leper. At the end of the year, I changed my name and decided to do nothing with those people who had made my life hell._

_===== FLASHBACK ENDS=====_

The worst day was the day Edward had to leave me.

_=====FLASHBACK=====_

_Over the past few days, Edward spent more time with me than before. But I had come to realize that he spent more time with Alexia and Cassandra. He worked with them as they were on the same team but suddenly I realized that he was spending more and more time with them. This made my heart ache as it hadn't happened to me before or maybe it had but this jealousy burned through me and burned me every day._

_Tonight was a full moon night and Edward, I and all the other people from work went to an observatory to have fun. All of them enjoyed looking at the night sky. Edward, me and the blond girl were among the ones who were more than fascinated with stars and wanted to study about them and research about them in the future. In the darkness, I and Edward began conversing and Edward showed me the stars and constellations as he knew more about them. _

"_Bella, look that is the Big Dipper." Edward said. _

"_Wow!" I replied._

_Bewitched by the night sky and Edward's passion, I was drinking up the moments as they were my breath and reason for living._

_That night on my way home, I and Edward talked more and more about him, his interests and his passions. I was amazed by everything that he said and tried to keep him talking. Those moments were the ones I was going to depend on when both of us moved our separate ways the next day._

_In the morning, I tried to ignore the gnawing feeling in her stomach. It was going to be a hard day for me and I knew it. I knew that Edward was the one for me and even though I would move on and spend my heart and feelings on other men, I would find him again somewhere when I would least expect it. _

_Edward was leaving first and I would leave after 2 weeks as I had more work to finish. He hugged his blond friend and said goodbye to her. I mumbled a gentle goodbye to him and was about to leave when he hugged me. Everything froze and for a moment I felt that we were the only two souls made for each other and halves of a whole. We fit together perfectly and I was trying to control the pain and keep the tears at bay. But then the moment passed. He introduced me to his father and I left them behind giving a polite adieu to his father._

_I held strong for about a day thinking desperately that it was a fling and that I would find someone who would love me and realize my worth. But the next day, I broke into tears and sobs cracked through me as I realized that it was like all the other hopeless times in my life when a man leaves me. _

_=====FLASHBACK ENDS=====_

That day still stings in my heart. Life moved on and I found new friends the next week in my vulnerable state.


	3. Chapter 3

I Meet My Match

Leaving Edward was worse than I thought. I thought that I would be depressed for a while but I wasn't. It was as if he was continually living with me, breathing with me and listening to me. It was worse than when we were together because at that time, even if he spend his time with other people, I was able to witness it. But, now I was left to wonder. This devastated me and I lost my focus. The astronaut that I had to become was now tuning into my reality as I wanted to do this for him and with him. I had met my match only to not have realized it in time.

_I was sleeping but really I was in a requiem. It had been a week since Edward had left me and I could still smell him and breathe him as if he were there. It was literally driving me crazy. Suddenly, I was dancing in the arms of my love. Edward was near me and hovering all about me. He possessed me and was everywhere. I held him tightly to my chest. And in this euphoria, Edward said something that I was not able to hear. But it was something important and needed to be heard because it had the solution to all my troubles. And suddenly, everything changed._

_Edward was murmuring something as a prayer which had me terrified. It was my tradition to murmur in my prayers when I was depressed and Edward seemed to know that. He touched my face and passed something onto me that changed my entire life and future. _

I woke up with a cold sweat after this dream. What a weird dream! But in the days that came forward, I realized what it was that Edward had given me. It was the ability to write and to create, to compose and to narrate. My pieces were appreciated by my family as well as my colleagues. My teachers had never seen anything quite like it before. They were in awe of my talent. I am attaching my poem that is the closest to my heart and also describes some of m feelings in here, diary. I trust you irrevocably and would love if you were a live person and be proud of the fact that I had created something.

WHERE BLISS IS 

I long for my heaven

Which I have left behind

Here everything is amiss

Because I have left the place where bliss is

I got love from everyone

Was someone's help when he was numb

In times of happiness though not together

Sorrow we all shared with each other

Is it only me going through this

Because I have left the place where bliss is

Even if I was lonely at times

And wouldn't give a damn to those people

Someone or something left an impact on my mind

At the time when I had gotten so blind

Everything about that place I miss

Cause it is where my bliss is

I saw it in the care of friends

The warmth that flowed through them

Even in the craze of their latest trends

Thinking about times like these makes me lament

My mind has stopped working in crisis

Because I have left the place where bliss is

In times of fight, in moments of happiness

Everything here is dark, days full of emptiness

I recall the complexity of emotions there

Every well-wisher made me feel like a gem

They held me when I was scared and layered

I would be nowhere if it weren't for them

Even ecstasy is engulfed by eclipse

Because I have left the place where bliss is

It takes time to move on

But their memories will never be gone

Someday I will build a place like that

Which will keep my bliss intact…..

_More later._

_Yours,_

_Bella Swan_

**Let me know guys if you like where the story is headed.**

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**Love,**

**Flo**


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